Blonde Moment

In the earlier Finals episode of this season's American Idol, the contestants had to recount their most embarrassing moments. When I heard Ramiele's, which involved going up to her crush’s home to give him her picture and getting laughed at, I was in stitches (I think that's when I first liked her, cause she had both the voice and personality - now if only she chose better songs...).

That made me stop and think of what answer I'd give if asked the same question. I couldn't think of one. Not because I didn't have any, but because most of the most humiliating scenes in my life happened when I was young. I'm now able to reminisce about them, share them with my friends, laugh at myself, and chalk it up to the things that made my childhood and puberty interesting and fun. Nevertheless, I was inspired to rummage through my cobwebbed memory so I'd be ready with an answer when asked for my very own embarrassing moment.

Still I couldn't find any. But soon after watching that episode, I was given one.

Last March 2, which was a Sunday, my good comrade Chrissie and I went to Makati to take the TOEFL. As usual when I'm scheduled to do something important the following day, I wasn't able to get proper sleep the night before. The test required us to be in De La Costa by 8AM, and at 4AM that Sunday, I was just about to go to sleep. Rather than run the risk of oversleeping and wasting my precious 6G's because of tardiness. Obviously, this part of the story is intended to lay the predicate that I was sleepless that day.

(I'm not sure which details I have the liberty to discuss, so I'll try to be as vague as possible without sacrificing content).

There was a short orientation before the internet-based exam proper. We were basically told that there were to be 4 parts, that we were to bring NOTHING inside the exam room, that the whole exam is timed, and that we were to follow instructions that would be flashed on the screen. We were also to be provided pencils and scratch paper, which we could be replenished upon request (they were to take and shred the used up paper).

I was called in before Chrissie was (we were called in successively and not at the same time, so we started at different times). They took a picture of me for the records and made me log my name and the time. We were to log in and out every time we left the exam room.

The first part of the exam proper tested our reading skills. Naturally, we were asked to read a passage for this. I read the article and tried to remember all the details for the exam part later. After finishing the article, I saw that there was a lot of time left. So I re-read the article. I noticed the scratch paper they provided and started taking down notes for to help me in the question and answer part later. I took little time doing this so there were still a few minutes left. I remembered seeing a Korean girl waiting with us in the anteroom, so I thought it was just fair that they allotted more time than necessary. After all, this was an internationally standardized test, and English-speaking Filipinos obviously had an advantage. We couldn't expect all examinees to be quick readers like me!

After taking down notes, I still had a few minutes left. I slouched on my seat, relaxed and stared at the monitor while I waited for the questions.

The clock counted down to zero, and then a message appeared:

"Your time for answering the questions is over."

If the exam moderators were to review the CCTV footage, they would've seen the stunned, horrified look that accompanied the sudden upright jerk of my body as I sat up straight and mouthed,

"What questions!?!?!!"

Only then did I realize that I wasn't fast or advanced. I was just being stupid. The Korean girl who spoke little English probably sailed through the first part of the reading exam while I was to score a big, fat zero.

I was embarrassed, though since everyone was busy answering the exams, no one could possibly have seen me idling around, tapping my fingers on the desk as I stared at the computer. Aside from the moderators, that is. They were probably snickering and wondering why I refused to answer the test but were restricted from approaching me to offer a friendly coax or say, "The exam won't answer itself, Sir. You have to do your part."

I did not dare request a do over or ask them if I there's any way they can invalidate that first part so I can salvage my test score, though I was very much tempted to approach them and explain what happened. I figured, if they thought I was pulling their leg, all I had to do is make them look at their records to see that I had NO ANSWER whatsoever and argue, "Who in their right mind would leave their TOEFL exam answer sheet blank!? Tanga na lang ang gagawa non, no!"

I realized I'd be answering my own question and admitting my stupidity in one fell swoop, so I kept silent and continued the exam instead. This was a four/five hour exam, mind you, and I was only at the first part. When the second part of the reading exam started and the second article came on, that's the only time I noticed this little button at the upper right corner of the screen labeled "next." ("Ahhh... pipindutin ko pala dapat yon.") When I pressed the button, the first question came on, and guess what? The article that we were required to read was still there, and was never taken off the screen. There was no need to memorize details or take down notes for that part pala. (Anakngteteng.)

Naturally, the incident dampened my spirit for the rest of the exam. I felt tremendous pressure to ace all the remaining parts and the other exams. Still, even with that motivation, I felt like this was a hopeless campaign.

Sabi nga, be careful what you ask for. Finally, I have a new embarrassing moment to recount. It was more like a blonde moment, some people would say, but I see it as the worst possible kind of embarrassment - the one that embarrasses you even when no one else witnessed it.

I'm only able to recount this now because I feel redeemed. Kumbaga, may pambawi na.

I just got my TOEFL scores last week.

It goes like this kasi: They score you for each exam: reading, listening, speaking and writing. Your scaled score falls within certain levels: HIGH, INTERMEDIATE or LOW for the reading and listening parts; GOOD, FAIR, LIMITED, or WEAK for the speaking and writing parts.

The levels of my Listening, Speaking and Writing skills were all good. Naturally, the clincher was the Reading exam score. When I looked at my score, it was... (drumroll...) High Level!

I didn't know kung matatawa ako o maiiyak sa tuwa. It wasn't like I was precluded from taking the exam all over again if I failed it, but I just felt anxious over the prospect of my ego taking a beating and coughing up 6 thousand bucks for it all over again.

Syempre, my scaled score in reading was the lowest in the HIGH range. I guess it was too much to ask to be in the upper range, but I still couldn't believe it. Either my indomitable spirit carried me through and yielded me enough points to compensate for my big fat ZERO on the first part of the Reading exam, or the test moderators previewed the CCTV tapes of the exam proper and commiserated after seeing in my face what I can only imagine as the definitive look of shock.

High School Life (Happy First Decade!)

Back in 2006, I was inspired to list down some indelible memories from childhood and high school. I enjoyed blogging that (They Try To Tell Us We're Toyang...). I realized this time is more fitting, since we just recently celebrated our 10th anniversary since graduating from De La Salle Zobel. I was reminded of it after seeing pictures from the batch reunion (which I missed). A late celebration, actually, cause we were officially 10 last year, 2007.

So anyway, I remembered some other high school memories and decided to list them down again. I hope to remember more in the coming days :)

1. Speedo gym bags. Doc Martens. Girbaud Stone-washed pants. Tag Heuer Watches. Ilan sa mga nausong mahal na bagay nung high school ako. I can’t believe naki-uso ako at namilit sa magulang ko na bilhan ako ng lahat ng yan. To my credit, lahat yan buhay at nagagamit ko pa (with the exception pala of my Doc Martens’ shoes, na after 13 years, last year, ay nag-rot na ang leather). The investment is paying off.
   
   
2. We had to memorize the English and Metric systems for our Earth Science class. To help us, our teacher made us listen to and memorize this song called “English To Metric Conversion Song.” I think she even made us sing in front of the class, in groups or one by one ata, to make sure that we really did memorize it.
   
   It was quite effective! I remember during exams, most of us would be singing it in hushed voices or in our heads. Until now, naaalala ko pa yung first two lines ng second stanza… pero hanggang dun lang. Pero alam ko pa ang tono!
   
   “Just multiply inches by two-point-five-four, and then you’ll get centimeters
   The feet multiplied by point-three-O-five, will give you equivalent meters…”
   
   Thanks to John Rae, who sang the whole song to me during our Sinulog vacation, nakumpleto ko na ang lyrics nito :)
   
   
3. During our foundation week celebrations, laging merong perya rides na hina-hire ang school namin. Nung fourth year kami, kung saan most of the Student Council officers ay galing sa class namin, nagka-trahedya.
   
   Yung caterpillar na open maging sa grade school kids, nag-malfunction. It went out of control, making the operator panic and leave the ride, causing it to derail and throwing the kids out of their seats. In fact, there was one casualty. The young girl died. The incident made it to primetime news even. That was our school. After that, ilang school din ang nagbawal nang mag-rides during their school fairs. (And an arts building was presently erected and named after the young girl).
   
   
4. I think I found UPCAT the most difficult. Dahil right minus wrong daw, unlike the quarterly exams in high school, hindi ako nagtangkang punuan at hulaan yung unshaded items na hindi ko natapos.
   
   Ateneo had the most difficult Math exam. Ang DLSU naman, may essay pa. I think the essay during my time was about Bonifacio or something.
   
   
5. Come graduation time, nagsisimula nang maghingian ng write-ups ang mga tao sa isa’t isa. Ang nakagawian na simula pa noon ay ang mag-pass-around ng cattleya fillers at doon mo pasusulatin ang ka-close mo ng write up nila for you, which was in part an excuse to boost our adolescent egos. Ang format, tipong ganito:
   
   “Raz… Raz de la Torre… Paborito ni Mr. Elloso… Madalas naiiwan sa Gate 3… Cebu/Bohol memories!…” And so on and so forth.
   
   Lahat ng tao, ganyan ang format. Ewan ba kung bakit walang ni isang matino at coherent paragraph na write up.
   
   
6. When we were in first year, isa sa mga nauso in our class was to write novels. It was our childish attempts at writing literature. I remember trying to write a suspense/horror story. Pero among those written, pinaka-hit yung pornographic story written by DA (na Dr. Roberto Emilio Datiles na ngayon). I think it was a hit not only because it was risqué, but because the characters were all based on people in the class.
   
   
7. Naturally, Intrams ang isa sa favorite events ko in the year. My favorite sports were volleyball and track and field. I remember, madalas kami maging finalist in the inter-class volleyball game, and a few times, kame yung overall champs sa track and field.
   
   
8. Another favorite event was the cheering competition. Intrams ulet. My batch was champion when were Juniors. In our Senior year, we were only second place. I can vividly remember, yung opening ng routine that year was danced to the tune of Superman’s overture. And there was this huge “S” sign that served as background. I thought that was a kick-ass performance from our cheer dancers, and honestly thought we were robbed of a victory.
   
   
9. Isang important aspect ng local school culture ay kung saang gate ka nagpapasundo pag dismissal. I think the coolest people waited sa back gate, sa Gate 3. Shempre, dun din kasi ako, hehe…
   
   I loved hanging out sa Gate 3 even if it was a long walk to the canteen (where we usually had afterschool hours merienda bonbons, funwiches, and black gulaman).
   
   
10. Ang class adviser namin nung Seniors kame ay si Mrs. Telen (who now acts as the Alumni liaison). She was also the Physics Lecture teacher. She’s really brilliant and all, but being her advisory class, I must say, wala ako masyadong natutunan sa kanya. Kasi naman, homeroom spilled over to her class, and homeroom concerns became top of the agenda.
    
    Sa lahat ng homeroom concerns, ang madalas on top of the agenda ay ang Cup Collecting. This was an activity she assigned to the whole batch. Basically, what we did was collect plastic Coke cups. It was stacked on top of each other, and then measured and then converted to points, and the points were added to our Physics grade, I think.
    
    It was a normal thing to see Senior students (the boys in barong pa) going around the canteen collecting used cups from tables. Weird talaga.
    
    
11. Another high school tradition (which I think during our generation, ended in our batch) was the INITIATION. Ang principle is this: The Seniors are paired off with a Freshman and they initiate the younger counterpart. The Seniors get to bid on the Freshmen they like, and for the rest, they get assigned.
    
    The two batches’ lunch and recess schedules were synched so that the Seniors would get a chance to bully the Freshmen, who are required to act as their slaves. I was lucky mabait yung “master” ko. She basically made me sit to hang out with them, occasionally asking me to buy her lunch (with her money shempre). That was for one whole week, which culminated in a big parade on the fifth day. All the freshmen were made to wear costumes. My master made me dress up as a mummy. Simple lang, kung tutuusin, not that expensive pa, pero di pala ganon kadali.
    
    Buti na lang, gumana ang creativity ko. Instead of using rolls of tissue paper, which was too weak to use for the whole day, I opted for the paper used in cash registries. So I walked around as a mummy, tapos natago ko pa yung mukha ko (so it wasn’t as embarrassing!).
    
    When as Seniors, it was our turn to initiate the Freshman na, nakakainis cause the School admin realized it wasn’t a genial practice to prey on the innocent Freshmen. So Initiation became a kapatiran activity, nawala na yung aspect ng pambubully. I became good friends with my “neophyte” and her barkada. Nakakafrustrate lang kase di kami nakaganti!
    
    
12. The closer we got to graduating from High School, the more courageous we were in traveling and gimmicking out of town.
    
    For Jacky’s debut, we decided to do an overnight stay in our island in Cavinti, Laguna. It was fun cause we all slept in one room, with electricity provided by a generator lang. Later in the evening syempre, we shut the generator off, and we wore ourselves out to sleep by exchanging stories and scaring ourselves with the big bugs.
    
    That same summer, I spent a weekend vacation naman sa Baguio resthouse ni Janis. Then we followed it up by another trip to our house in Cavinti. Both occasions, Janis and I were with her brother and our classmates Kristine and Rose.
    
    
13. If the Seniors and Juniors had the JS Prom, the younger ones had the FS Night (Freshmen-Sophomore Night). It was smaller in scale of course. It was held in the school gymnasium lang.
    
    I remember going both times. Pero ang mas naalala ko was this incident where Paul, our valedictorian, danced like he just discovered music, at sa sobrang excitement ay tumilapon yung takong ng shiny leather shoes nya.
    
    
14. Aside from passing notes, my classmates and I communicated with each other from across the room using the sign language. Not the complicated type ha, letter by letter. Kaya until now, alam ko pa how to sign all 26 letters of the alphabet.
    
    
15. Mr. Lozada, our Vice Principal then, usually talked at our Wednesday general assemblies. When we were in Grade School, he warmed up the audience by asking us to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands…”
    
    Ewan ko ba kay Mr. Lozada, perhaps we were perpetually young in his eyes, pero even in HS, he made us sing that. So kahit disi-sais na kame, we’re singing, “If you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet…” (Sabay padyak ng paa sa concrete floor ng gym).
    
    
16. One of the classic scenes sa class namin: Habang pinapagalitan kami ng mortal nemesis namin sa Faculty na si Mr. Elloso, nakita nya si Clems (na Atty. Jill na ngayon) na nangingiti. Naturally, he was pissed. So he asks her,
    
    MR. ELLOSO: Ms. Sabitsana, ba’t ka tumatawa?
    CLEMS: Wala po.
    MR. ELLOSO: Alam mo ba kung saan napupunta ang mga taong tumatawa ng walang dahilan?
    CLEMS: (barely audible) “Sa mental?”
    
    Buti na lang di narinig ni Mr. Elloso.
    
    
17. Our Work Ed classes were either all boys or all girls, where two classes were merged. Our teacher naman there was named Mr. Pacheco. He was a small, very quiet man na Fil-Chinese. Because he was too kind, us guys took his class for granted. That was the time na either sobrang ingay namin, or we did other things instead of listening to his lectures.
    
    Isang beses, sobrang nagalit si Mr. Pacheco. There was one guy from the other class na sobrang gulo at ingay. Sa sobrang puno ni Mr. Pacheco, he threw a chalk at the guy. Pulang pula na ang maputla nyang mukha sa galit. Nice statement sana, kaso, di tumama yung chalk sa target nya.
    
    
18. For P.E., our teacher Mr. Satorre taught us dances. Ang pinakanaa-alala ko, Chacha.
    
    He’d go, “one-two-cha-cha-cha. One-two-pose!”
    
    Kala namin nung una, strike a pose, cause when he demonstrates it, he stops. Yun pala, hinto. Pose. PAUSE!
    
    
19. Mang Bravo was one of the most popular personalities in our school. He was the messenger. He’d usually knock on our front door to hand a note for the teacher to read out loud.
    
    One time during our Freshman year, Mang Bravo arrived during our Math class and handed our Math teacher, Mrs. Apostol, a note. On her way to get the note, she slipped. Parang sa cartoon, she literally flew up and landed on her butt. At that time, I was slouched on my seat, tipong ang nakikita ko lang e yung ulo ng classmate ko in front of me, then the blackboard. Nagulat ako cause Mrs. Apostol suddenly disappeared from my line of sight.
    
    Out of courtesy, the class held their giggles in.
    
    Buti na lang her fall was cushioned by her butt. So she stood up, and pointed at the slippery spot. “Ah, eh… basa. Basa diyan.”
    
    Uhmmm… yeah, we can see that.
    
    
20. Most of the people in our class, I was classmates with for four straight years. I entered the class kasi when we were Freshman.
    
    We did have a pseudo-classmate from another class, however, by virtue of her undying love for our valedictorian Paul. May isang beses, during our field trip, she even rode on our bus instead of her class’. Itago na lang natin sya sa intials na JA.
    
    Later in the day, the guys in the class started calling Paul “tokwa.” Out of curiosity, someone finally asked. “Ba’t ba tokwa si Paul?”
    
    Then Emir says, “Kasi may baboy na siya.”
    
    And everyone burst into laughter.
    
    (JRae, thanks for reminding me of this. Hilarious! And mean.)

Ahhh.... high school life. Ten years! Those were the days ;)

Siquijor

After travelling by air, land and sea, we finally stepped on Siquijor soil. The fast ferry ride from Dumaguete to the Siquijor port was the worst I can remember. We were seated at the very back part of the boat, where the air conditioning unit was (either that or it was the engine itself that was roasting our calves from under our seat). I knew it was a bad sign that the cabin crew were handing out small plastics that could serve as a barf bag. Thankfully, I didn't find a need for it.

The weather was scary. It was drizzling and there were menacing clouds over the island. Literally! Parang yung island lang ang merong dark clouds. It didn't look that bad before we got to Siquijor. Para tuloy ni-re-reinforce nya yung mystery ng island. Krizelle of Coco Grove welcomed us and commented, "Maalon!" in her sympathetic Visayan tone. She had with her a small blackboard with a cute, colorful welcome (Welcome, Raz, Norman and Suzan). May GMA7 pa sa blackboard, palibhasa it was our friend from GMA7 who helped us book in Coco Grove.

Darkness raced to envelop the sky as we drove from the port to the resort in San Juan. I noticed the eerie quietness of the province, but convinced myself that it was probably the weather and the Manileño impressions of Siquijor as an island of aswangs. Naturally, that was a running joke among us throughout our stay there.

We were booked in Royal Palm 1, a room good for a family of four. On the ground floor was mini bar, sala/living room set, a small wardrobe with a full body mirror, the bathroom with toilet and bath, and a bed good for two (four if pinilit). On the small loft were the air conditioning unit and two single beds, which Norman and Tutei took. Already, naglolokohan na kami about flying creatures visiting us later in the evening.

Everything in Coco Grove was great. Service was great. The people, the beach (wasn't powder fine but it was white), the restaurant, the clientele (which were mostly Europeans). The gardens were beautifully landscaped. The rooms were paired in stand-alone nipa huts, spaced just far enough to give everyone privacy. There was a spa, and a bar open till midnight, though we didn't make full use of that. Two swimming pools, a marine sanctuary and a dive shop (also didn't get to snorkel). The restaurant had its own French chef and everything in the menu was great. The fruit drinks were all fresh. The staff were all pretty and friendly. All things considered, the lack of a television set in the room was made up for.

The next day, Saturday, after breakfast, we rented two habal-habal (hubble-hubbles, according to Lonely Planet - more commonly known as motorcycles) and went to the neighboring town of Lazi. I drove a yellow habal and Tutei rode with me. Norman rode on another one with our tour guide.

Our first stop was a century-old Balete tree. I would never have imagined being interested in seeing a tree as part of my itinerary, but that tree was majestic, you can't help but feel humbled beside it. Then we took a photo op at this point in Lazi where you get to see a panoramic view of the west side of the island.

Our next stop was the Lazi town proper, where we got to explore another century-old structure. A convent which now services the town as a school.
Right in front of it is the Saint Isidore parish church, made of lime stone and beautifully time-worn.

After taking a few more pictures, we headed for our intended destination: The Cambugahay Falls. We climbed down 135 steps to the falls, took a dip and customarily took photos with the photogenic triplets that comprised the popular tourist destination. It was simply rejuvinating.

On our way back, we were all dripping wet (except si Manong driver ni Norman). Siquijor's roads are paved but less sophisticated compared to Camiguin's. There were also less vehicles on the roads, but it allowed us to soak in the beauty of the island. Lazi could very well have read "Lazy," but in a good way. It wasn't just quiet, it was almost serene.

In the evening, we sampled more of the Coco Grove restaurant's sumptuous dishes. Afterwards, we headed to the direction of the loud music pumping from the nearby basketball court. We were already given a heads up by one of the staff about Saturdays leading to the fiesta being disco nights, and truth be told, we were all looking forward to it. It gave us another agenda for the trip. Siquijor is beautiful but really, there wasn't much to do.

We got cold feed during first trip to the basketball court. We were intimidated by the crowd from afar. The lack of a crowd, that is. We didn't want to stick out in a sparse crowd of locals who probably knew each other by name. We decided to go back and considered opting for the videoke bar instead. That intimidated us too after we heard a couple singing a duet. The videoke bar looked like it was a private residence having a private party.

We hung out in the hotel's lobby and killed time by talking to boyfriends overseas (Tutei), picking on a hermit crab (me), fantasizing about the foreign guests in the hotel (Norman) and dodging huuuuggge salamanders (all three of us).

When three Czech guests of the hotel passed us on their way to the basketball court, we decided to give it another shot. Thankfully. Cause soon as we got to the basketball court, watching the locals dance to a weird mix of old disco songs of yester-decades, present day hip hop hits, local rap songs (mostly from Andrew E), and ballroom tunes, proved too tempting to resist. We paid the entrance fee, ordered ourselves a London gin, bottles of Sprite and Coke, and little packets of Ding Dong, and after biding our time waiting for the perfect moment, ultimately debuted on the dance floor. Tutei and I reminisced on old 90's dance steps while Norman was by himself on the table, left alone so he can muster the courage to approach and introduce himself to the Czechs (kudos cause he eventually did!).

The next day, Sunday, was spent entirely in Coco Grove. We lounged by the pool area. I read a book while sipping fresh pineapple shakes. Tutei and Norman drank cocktail drinks by the pool bar. Later, we went to the beach and took some more pictures. By late afternoon, we all signed up for a massage in the resort's spa. We capped the evening by having dinner on the beach, underneath the stars, with torches lighting our delicious meals.

Early the next day, we left Siquijor for Dumaguete, where we bought pasalubongs from Sans Rival cafe. It's almost unbelievable how differently the island and the sky looked the day we arrived and that day of our departure. It was a perfect metaphor to how much our impression of Siquijor changed from dark and mysterious to bright and paradisal.

Post Script to Ocampo v. Lozada

My friends' reaction makes it more apparent how many Filipinos are truly passionate about the current issues in the country. Kaya nga I felt compelled to write that entry. Somehow, I know my inhibition from participating in public protests possibly belies the concern and immense love I have for the Philippines.

Hold back, I definitely did. Precisely because I appreciate Lozada's exposés and respect him for it. Like him, I am against corruption. I wish for us a better brand of politics and, however difficult, I sanguinely dream to see Pinas pull itself out of its rut. But when Lozada starts to act the way he does, when he uses the public stage no just to tell the truth about the anomalous ZTE deal but to ask the public if they will forgive him for his past indiscretions, he too makes it personal. I can expect that from his detractors, the Goliaths of Philippine politics, but not from a "probinsyanong intsik" version of David. It may be inconsequential to ask forgiveness from the public for his past extra-marital affairs (which I've seen him do on television) in the context of his explosive disclosure, but if he's using this opportunity as atonement, that too qualifies as an agenda - and that blurs the distinction between him and the politicians he loves to implicate. Siguro nga, he didn't set out to have his axe ground. But when he starts with those antics, I can't help but think that he may have a small one he didn't realize needed sharpening after all.

That's what led me to differentiate him from Ms Ocampo, and in turn use that as a parallelism to why I do not respond to today's call for mass demonstrations the way I proudly did during EDSA Dos. Because that's where I see myself right now: caught between the dilemma of a desire to rid the government of corruption and traditional politics, and fear of the swarm of shady interest groups lurking in the periphery as they await their chance to grab power for themselves. Maybe other people are just made of tougher things, but I can't imagine going to a rally endorsed by Binay who until now, despite his vehement stand against corruption in GMA's administration, refuses to acknowledge his staunch ally's. A rally where (former nemeses) yellows sit side by side oranges.

I advocate the rule of law even if the political climate does not seem conducive for it. Some people understandably see that as futile, perhaps a misplaced repose of optimism. I personally see it as an enlightened stand, a firm refusal to be used by ANYONE, and faith in the framers of the Constitution. I just think THAT ox is alive and kicking. And I hope to see that ox ram down not just the corruption of THIS government, but corruption - period. Corruption in general. I'm just wary of being means to someone's selfish end.

Clarissa Ocampo versus Jun Lozada

Here's why I'm not quite stirred by the political hooplah involving star whistleblower Jun Lozada:

I hate any form of grandstanding.

I acknowledge that Jun Lozada is on the side of truth. What I don't appreciate how he keeps on appealing to emotion and popularity. Self-references as a mere "probinsyanong intsik." Engaging in an interview on national television dressed in an undergarment then calling attention to how meekly he is dressed compared to the uniformed people with whom he is engaged in a debate. Declaring statements inflamed with self-importance, like "I didn't know my coming out to tell the truth will save the country's soul." Doing rounds, making appearances, delivering speeches, and quoting Jose Rizal in interviews and opportunely referring to the national hero as his idol.

I am tempted to call them stunts, but I don't want to be unfair to Mr. Lozada. Having said that, it's hard to not suspect him of consciously doing these things with the intention to efface himself. In an instant, Mr. Lozada morphed from a sniveling witness to a master showman wielding humor and self-deprecating comments to capitalize on public sentiment anxious for change. In my eyes, that's what spells the difference between genuine and false humility.

This is where Clarissa Ocampo comes in.

Miss Ocampo came out as a witness because she was privy to something important. She simply had something to say, so she came forth, said it, and left the people to weigh her revelations on their own. And that was it. Clarissa Ocampo wasn't all over the place campaigning for public support like Lozada does nowadays. I seem to remember her indulging requests for appearances but not in a manner that sought recognition as a hero or a savior. Not the way Lozada strikes me. His actions reek of an agenda to hoist himself onto a moral pedestal to earn credibility for his testimonies.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in what Lozada says. I believe that the ZTE deal was anomalous, that Abalos was out to protect his PhP130M commission, that his escort out of the NAIA airport was an attempt to keep him out of the Senate's reach (though I wouldn't really join in calling it "kidnapping"). I believe in the value of Lozada's testimony and how crucial it is in ridding our country of this culture of corruption.

Even so, I believe a careful scrutiny of the messenger is still in order. No, I am not out to shoot Lozada, but neither will I blindly follow the call of Lozada, Joey de Venecia and those from the opposition whose motives are unclear and possibly mixed with selfish ones. Greed, as generally recognized, is the root of corruption. This is why a whiff of greed evokes extraordinary discretion on my part, enough to keep me in the sidelines, far from the hysteria in Binay's front yard.

What I advocate is a fair assessment of the veracity of these witnesses' revelations, and a resort to the appropriate legal action that conforms to the rule of law. Yes, people power has been ensconced in the constitution, but so were other legal remedies such as "impeachment." The political minority and other interest groups lobby for a street protest saying that the administration control of the congress makes it impossible for the a proper resolution of this controversy. So when will an impeachment, as provided in the constitution, be the proper recourse? When it's convenient for them? Perhaps what they really want is for work to be cut out for them.

I continue to believe in the spirit of EDSA Dos and am grateful that it resulted in the ouster of former President Joseph Estrada. And yes, I believe that President Gloria Arroyo is much better president than he was, though she's obviously far from perfect. But like before, I still would've preferred the impeachment proceeding to an extrajudicial ouster of Estrada. I welcome the windfall of our mass protest in 2001 but admit that it was essentially a shortcut. That we allowed it then, I believe, is what drives certain politicians now to clamor for a wrest of power from the present government.

I understand how unfathomable it would seem, especially for hardliners, to hear how I can like EITHER Estrada or Arroyo. But I stress again: this opinion piece is about Jun Lozada and Edsa Dos, and today's call for rallies.

Back in 2001, I don't remember being 'called' by anyone to go to Edsa. I think it's because back then, ordinary people like us took the lead, and organized blocks followed. Not necessarily the case now. While I recognize this time that many untarnished figures who I look to as moral beacons are beckoning ordinary people like us to join the rally, beside them I see the likes of Erap, Joe and Joey de Venecia.

We should've heeded that nagging feeling back in Edsa Dos, when we wondered why traditional and quasi-politicians like Chavit Singson, Bong Revilla and Nora Aunor shared the stage with Chief Justice Davide and those others whom we trusted as sincerely echoing our sentiments, when we wondered why GMA only showed up for the oath-taking. But I own up to that, I helped ushering a GMA into the presidency, I share the blame. I just don't want to contribute to another wrong. I want to determine if this indeed is the right way to go - an extrajudicial route to enact changes once again. Who fills in the void afterwards is a serious concern that needs as much deliberation. We should learn from the Estrada turnover to GMA in 2001. Doesn't it prove that people power is not only an extrication, but an installation of another figure, and that it can be just as bad, if not worse? Sino ulit sisihin natin pag nangyari yon? Discernment is my mantra for now.

It's not simply about lack of an alternative to a present evil, but a refusal to be manipulated by another one.

I was already made into a pawn when I participated in EDSA Dos. I'm not falling for that again. Fool me twice, shame on me. It would take much more than people with shady credentials and blatant agenda to coax me into heeding a call that could ultimately sweep someone else less deserving and more deleterious into power.

Thank you, Mr. Lozada, for telling us what you know. You have definitely earned your place in history. But can you please stop with the antics now?

River Rafting in Cagayan De Oro

I spent the February 15 to 18 post-Valentine weekend river rafting and pigging out in Cagayan de Oro, with a side trip to Bukidnon. In effect, I was chaperone to Council Couples Alexa and Pat, and Concep and Dodie.

We stayed at the Pearlmont Inn at Limketkai Drive in CDO. On our first night, we tried the Chicken Ati-Atihan at the Cucina de Oro, a few steps away from where we stayed.

The following day, Saturday, was solely devoted to rafting on the Cagayan River. It is easily one of the best adventures I've ever done! We're already talking about going to Chico River to try rafting there. We almost didn't mind the sun burn and aching muscles (salamat sa spa ng Pearlmont).

The next day, we hired a cab for PhP2,500 bucks and headed to the neighboring province of Bukidnon. Thanks to Miss Maya, we were able to get to our next destination: the Del Monte Golf Club, where we feasted on the best steaks I've ever tasted. (A thousand bucks for the porterhouse was well worth it). That afternoon, we went to the town's historic church and heard mass in Bisaya. Afterwhich, straight to pasalubong-shopping na. Specifically, pastel and chicharon!

For dinner, we tried Pearlmont's "Stuffed-Roasted Chicken" (as if lunch's 300g of beef was not enough). Dodie's cousin joined us, and later took us videoke-ing at M2 at Limketkai (which at PhP150 per hour room another steal).

Cagayan de Oro is fast becoming one of my favorite places in the country. Even if the traffic's bad. All in all, a great post-Valentine weekend... Even if sunog ang limbs ko at bitak bitak ang face ko ngayon! :)

Bye Bye Brother Felix!

Been thinking of a fitting homage to one of the best memories I have of Zobel. Kinda weird thinking of a person as a memory, but that's how Brother Felix Mason will be to many people now. Since graduating from Zobel in '97, and with no younger siblings left in the campus, I never had a chance to see him again. Thanks to Chad's, my highschool classmate, status message, I found out that Brother Felix recently passed away. Further googling confirmed it was just a few days ago, possibly yesterday, February the 6th. It was skin cancer that got the old man, and it happened at Napa Valley in California where he spent his remaining days in retirement.

The past few years, I've wondered whatever happened to Brother Felix. I've hoped against the grim thought of him being dead, but that wasn't exactly unthinkable. After all, he already looked way beyond his sixties when I was barely in my teens. He was this very tall, balding, bespectacled white American who was usually dressed in his white clerical clothing distinctive of most La Salle brothers. His speech was naturally accented, which tended to make him appear more foreign than he already was, but he would always pepper it with Tagalog terms. It amused us whenever he'd tell us how 'pogi' we were. (Or maybe ako lang yon, haha, the compliment-deprived kid that I was!).

Back when I was still studying in Zobel, he seemed to know all the students' names. I remember blogging how he was the first person to ever call me Razmatazz. That's the thing I remember most about him, and I think it serves as a beautiful metaphor for his relationship to me and the hundreds (thousands?) of kids whose lives he touched. Being known to him in that special way, having this previously unheard of pet name from someone, made me feel like I was unique. That was his thing, you see. To me at least. He had this way of making a person, a kid, feel special. One of a kind.

When it was someone's birthday, he made it a point to summon that student to his office. Remembering now, I realize I actually looked forward to Mang Bravo (the school messenger, another bald man, pero Pinoy) arriving in our class with a small colored piece of paper, and the teacher reading it then announcing that I am wanted in Brother Felix's office. At times it served as a public reminder that it was actually my birthday. For a few seconds, with everyone's eyes on me and some of my classmates whispering birthday greetings (sometimes, the teacher even made the whole class sing a song before letting me go), I'd feel like it was indeed my special day.

In his office, Brother Felix would make me choose from a bunch of small cards with religious images of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Virgin Mary or the saints. (I just learned they were called stampitas). It was to be his gift to me. After I make my choice, he'd tell me the stories behind my selection. He'd say why the image of the child Jesus preaching in the temple was a perfect choice for me, or what virtue my Saint of choice personified. Sometimes, he even made me stay long enough so I'd go out just in time for recess or lunch.

It was also Brother Felix who taught me how to play Cribbage. That was at a point in my student life when hanging out in his office became a past time for me. At first, it was an excuse to stay in an air conditioned room during the heat of lunch time. Then it became an escape from having to mingle with the other students. I was that shy when I was in grade school, contrary to what some of my friends today think (promise, di ako bibo noon, haha). In his presence, I felt welcomed. I also remember this small nondescript box Brother Felix kept on his desk. When you opened it, you'd find a small card with a note asking, "Curious, aren't you?" He was a jokester and a smart-ass that way.

Brother Felix's warmth, kindness and ebullience is missed. He was loved. And he was one of a kind.

Isko!

Pinatos ko na ren tong questionnaire survey na to :)

Maligayang sentenaryo, UP! Ang galing mo!

1. Student number?
97-18393

2. College?
College of Mass Communication. Diliman Campus.

3. Ano ang course mo?
BA Broadcast Communication

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
I stuck to it. Broad Comm through and through.

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
BA (College of Business Administration) Building. Ako ang pinakaunang dumating - at 4AM ata. I slept sa car and when I woke up, kehaba na ng pila. Balewala, haha :))

6. Favorite GE subject?
Most of my first year subjects: Comm 1, Soc Sci 1, Kas 1. STS din, kase I only had to go for the attendance.


7. Favorite PE?
Bowling! At kahit baku-bako ang lanes sa Alumni Center, madalas isa ko sa pinakamataas ang score. Oh, and wall climbing! Fun din ang aking PEs na dinrop: Fencing at archery.

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy/girl sa UP?
Hmmm... that was never a hobby, interestingly.


9. Favorite prof(s)
Ma'am Rose Feliciano - BC 101 (Radio Production)
Ma'am Evelyn David - BC 121 (TV Production) and BC130 (Program Planning and Development)
Señora Carmen and Maita de Ventanilla (Span 1&2, French 1&2)
Ariandne Morta (Italian 10)

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
Com 2. By virtue of our professor. I used to sleep through Soc Sci 2 pero that was because it was an 8.30AM class.

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Never took Saturday classes. Wednesdays kase dun lang available yung gusto kong professors. But even when I didn't have a class, I went on all weekdays... for tambay.



12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
Yes. For class projects, pero none of those official class ones, like sa PI 100. My thesis was like a field-trip all over Mindanao.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
Yup! First sem ko. Then I went over to the dark side. My average usually made it, but I was not qualified for CS/US na dahil sa ROTC (I only went during my first sem, freshman year).












14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
Broad Ass! The UP-CMC Broadcasting Association.












15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Mass Comm Veranda. Sa old green Rav4 ko, wherever I could park it.








16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
I rented room 604 in Loyola Heights Condominium sa Esteban Abada in Katips. Stayed there all 4 years of undergrad, all 2 years of law school... Until na-carnapan ako.

17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
On the UPCAT form, Broadcast Communication was the one that appealed to me the most. I was lucky to get into my first choice of course and campus.



18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Aside from my HS classmate na si Kristel na blockmate ko ren, si Concep Mendoza. Within the same hour, in the wrong classroom, Alexa Porto, Joni Mosatalla and Mark Carballo - original six ng Council. (Peace, Forsyth, Jean! Hehe)

19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Hmmm.... I dunno. First movie na lang sa FC: "Total Eclipse" about Rimbaud and Verlaine, starring Leonardo diCaprio and some guy whose last name was Thewlis (the guy who played Remus Lupin in the Harry Potter movies)

20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
Most people think Broad Ass is coño, though hindi naman talaga. I didn't care much about the others.

21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Broad Ass. Of the others, I'd've loved to be part of UP Pep Squad - not really because I can cheerdance - cool lang talaga sila.

22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Yeah.

23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
All over UP. Casaa, Beach House, SC, Mang Jimmy's! Chocolate Kiss, Chateau Verde. Madalas outside the campus... Sa Katips. SM North. El Pueblo... haha!

24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Pinakamasaya sa UP.


25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Yup! Erap Resign! And eventually, EDSA Dos - which happened on the week we were doing most of the key interviews for our thesis. The day we interviewed Angelo Reyes, kinabukasan, nag-step down sya sa pagiging AFP Chief of Staff.

26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
All times.

27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Stand UP, LFS, atbp.




28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
Not so much pinangarap as in-expect. Haha angas! In the end, summa...bit lang. Hehe.

29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Hmmm... Some person I used to see in Starbucks :)

30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
La Salle siguro, cause most of my Zobel classmates went there. But I was gung ho on going to UP. I didn't have a specific reason... I was just drawn to it. Now, I can't imagine myself having gone somewhere else.

UP, Ang Galing Mo!

Of my few accomplishments in life, I count being an isko in the University of the Philippines among those I am unapologetically proud of. However trivial it may sound, I consider passing the UPCAT, surviving life in its Diliman campus, and ultimately obtaining my degree from UP as accomplishments. That's why I was excited to be at the country's premiere state university yesternight for the kick-off celebration of UP's centennial.

I arrived a little past 6PM, with the academic oval clad in darkness, save for the makeshift stage set up in front of the Oblation shrine. Despite that, the atmosphere was thick with excitement, with every corner busting at the seams with people both young and old. I suspect, every one of them a proud Iskolar ng Bayan.

As I made my way to where the centennial cauldron was, I bumped into Thess and Trisha, friends I made during my short stint with Dulaang UP. While sitting on the gutter waiting for the program to start, we noticed a cluster of torches inching its way to the Quezon Hall at the left side of the acad oval, in front of the College of Music. Apparently, I got there just in time for the lighting of the cauldron. Within minutes, the torch bearers were marching in front of us, supposedly led by Fernando Javier, who at 100 is the oldest known UP Alumnus. We kept suspecting every gray-haired grandpa as Mr. Javier. Today's paper confirmed that I actually managed to take a picture of him :) (He's the oldest looking bloke near the torch in the picture below.) He was accompanied by other luminaries. I managed to get a glimpse of Maestro Ryan Cayabyab, fellow Asser Direk Maryo J. de los Reyes, and Richard Gomez. President Emerlinda Roman, the 100th torch bearer and first female president of the UP system, delivered a brief welcome and proceeded to the lighting the cauldron. The university suddenly lit up and the crowd broke into wild cheers. Trees along the acad oval were decorated with lights, as if Christmas has been extended. Then, the jubilation smoothly segued to the singing of the UP Naming Mahal. I sang along, glad to realize that I haven't forgotten the words. And after throwing our fists up in honor of our Alma Mater, the UP Pep Squad performed in the midst of the throng.

I lost Thess and Tricia in the frenzy, but at least it allowed me to take more pictures of the momentous event. Soon after, I finally met up with my date for the evening. Olive found me waiting right beside the centennial cauldron, ruining most people's pictures by refusing to leave my spot :)

Afterwards, we joined the hundreds of people in watching the free show at the ampitheatre behind Quezon Hall, where the university graduation is yearly held. Choral groups from different UP units performed. Even Ryan Cayabyab sang a composition entitled "Salamat Sa 'Yo UP," which he penned with another UPIS alum. Ultimately, though, I think most of the spectators were really waiting to see for more routines from the UP Pep Squad, and they did not disappoint. There was another heartfelt singing of the UP Naming Mahal, and then the evening culminated with a spectacular fireworks display which felt like it would go on forever.

Sabi ng ang friend ko, I was on a high daw that evening. I couldn't help it. Celebrating with all that pomp and being surrounded with all that greatness... not since my graduation did UP's imprint on me feel that tangible. How can one not be in awe of the glorious legacy of UP? What more if you are actually part of it? :)

Mabuhay ang UP!

UP, Ang Galing Mo!

(Click on the pictures for the full resolution, especially for the fireworks :) I uploaded the rest of the photos in my Multiply site.)

On The Manila Peninsula Standoff

Senator Antonio Trillanes IV, Brig. Gen. Danny Lim, former Vice President Teofisto Guingona and company (including Bishop Labayen, Father Robert Reyes, Bibeth Orteza, etc.) just declared that they are finally vacating the Manila Peninsula's premises. In so doing, he claims that it is not to signify defeat or surrender, but to avoid further endangering the lives of civilian and media men who have been holed up with them in the hotel. This, following the PNP's forceful entry into the hotel lobby, with APC tanks ramming into the barricaded main entrance.

I woke up to news and images of Manila Peninsula's lobby barricaded from the inside, with soldiers with red armbands scattered throughout the hotel, and media people seemingly trapped inside. By then, I learned that there was a 3PM ultimatum given by the Philippine National Police (PNP) for them to surrender. A warrant has been subsequently issued for Senator Trillanes and his group's arrest. The hour has come and gone unheeded, and it was then that PNP came in with APCs and the Special Action Force (SAF). Warning shots were fired (apparently from the side of the police) and tear gas thrown in. Soon after, the PNP forces entered into the hotel with tanks.

Being an ordinary civilian watching the events unfold on television, it appears to me that the ultimatum was intended to be the peaceful way out for them. Senator Trillanes ignored this call. His lawyers gave a statement questioning the legality of the warrant, in effect justifying their decision to stand their ground. Meanwhile, media men, hotel staff, hotel patrons and other civilians were kept inside with them.

NOW, Senator Trillanes's group sends the message that they never intended to inflict violence, and that it was clearly the government who caused the situation to escalate. The Senator also proffers that this is the last resort left for them, saying, among other things, that the administration has continuously denied his mandate from the 11 Million people who voted him into the Senate. Father Robert Reyes (the Running Priest) goes on to say that they were actually preparing to leave the hotel when tear gas was thrown into the hotel lobby. They were only prevented from doing so because of concern for the health of the people in their entourage. Then we hear Atty. JV Bautista saying that this has gone out of hand, with the media becoming peripheral casualty.

Talk about Monday morning quarterback-ing. I just find it hard to rally behind Sen. Trillanes's cause when there seems to be a disconnect between his actions and his words.

I myself condemn the PNP's attempts to curtail press freedom and confiscate file footage taken during the mutiny (if indeed these reports are accurate). However, these points are distinct and separate from the crux of the mutiny.

I just find it amusing that the mutineers have suddenly withdrawn from defending the principles behind their cause in favor of appealing to mass sympathy and support. Suddenly, they have taken the position of being victims in this particular situation, conveniently glossing over the fact that they unnecessarily took over the Manila Peninsula, subsequently (and intentionally?) disrupting peace and order. Who, then, is truly to blame in putting civilians and media men's lives in peril?

I'd probably be more prepared to lend validity to Sen. Trillanes's actions had they not taken this messianic stance of being the nation's saviors while completely disregarding the error of the means by which they choose to achieve their proclaimed righteous goals. He may be a senator, and I respect that (even though I am not among the 11 Million members of the electorate whom he constantly uses as shield to legitimize his actions). I just thought that being a member of the legislature, it was also incumbent upon him to respect the rule of law and refrain from resorting to extra-judicial means.

Is he a senator, or is he a revolutionary? He seems to be both, depending on when it is most convenient to his public image.

Lest you forget where you really stand, you simply cannot have a foot on either side of the border.